Seeking Balance...

If the truth be told the primary reason I came to live and work in Peru was that I wanted to escape my previous life.  It wasn’t an awful life--but since life is short, why not live two in one? And then maybe have the opportunity to improve a bit on the first half it.  However, my daily motivation to stay for these many years has been the idea I could help people in some way that might be useful, whether directly or indirectly. Over the years I’ve had many opportunities to say “Yes”, but far more to say “No”, as one person can’t save the whole world.  There is need everywhere in all forms around the world, whether in a developing place like the Peruvian jungle or our advanced societies like the US or Australia. However, the needs that are here are in your face everyday.  On the street there are countless sights of what one can only assume are sad stories, non-existent opportunities, and wasted lives—whether it’s abandoned people or discarded pets. It’s a very fine balance to walk the streets everyday and neither be consumed by guilt for having so much creating a constant sense of obligation, nor a complete lack of caring producing tunnel vision only for the needs of your own life. How to have the wisdom to lend a hand without creating dependence or opening the Pandora’s Box of endless entreaties is never far from my mind.

I don’t know if I’m finding that balance.  At times I feel overly generous and practically anyone who crosses my path with some need, I find a way to help. Other times, I blow people off, turn a cold shoulder and pretend I don’t see.  I try to be kind to myself when recriminations seep in that I'm not doing enough. But avoid falling into complacency by remembering that we are all interdependent.  Americans like to think they’ve made their own way and rugged individualism is our call to arms. But who among us has not been helped by a family member or friend through the years with a small loan to buy a house, business or go to college; received leftover food when there’s is too much for one; shared in sweat-equity for a building project; enjoyed tutoring in our studies or mentorship in life; or were gifted with kind words and loving hugs at just the right moment? I can recount numerous times in my life when exactly these small gestures made the difference in my path and lifted me to the next level. This has been my intention while living and working here in Iquitos. 

I don’t know if I’ve been successful in all things.  I’d like to think the time I’ve shared with others has provided the benefit I intended. Friends here have shown interest in my thoughts and experiences and seem to gain from them.  I've given countless small loans and handouts, offered rescue and care to street animals, cooked gringo food and shared it with others. I've donated mounds of clothes and household goods, and spent time celebrating other people’s joys and sorrows (who are not of my culture or my language) yet seemed appreciative for my presence. These things can be done anywhere but somehow here, where there's so much obvious need, they seem to mean more. My aim is not to get philosophical or spiritual in this post, but rather to remind myself (and maybe you) that each day is a gift. The least I can do is find a way to give a gift in return--however small or inconsequential--because you just never know, now do you?